Rock legends The Dwarves have always been one of those bands that should be playing at Groezrock but never made it. Up until this year’s edition where gentleman Blag Dahlia and his merry band finally made it to Groezrock to show the kids some real punkrock. So we at RMP Magazine grasped this opportunity to have a chat with the rock legends that are The Dwarves and what a chat it was. Chaotic and fun, just like the band and its members. Find out more about The Dwarves below!

 

  1. Welcome to Belgium, first time at Groezrock.

Blag : Very first time at Groez…

Marc : We've been to Belgium

Blag : Pukkelpop, wasn't that Belgium too?

Marc : Oh yeah. And Graspop Metal Meeting, that was a good one.

Blag : We hold hands with Belgium

Marc : You got fucking cool waffles, you don't eat them with syrup?

 

  1. Today you played the main stage, a big stage with barriers and so. How do you feel on that?

Blag : I wounded up jumping into the crowd while Rex Everything was singing. So I got a little crowd interaction. I like it when the crowd is more close-on. I don't like the barrier. I just like to get out there. So then I can grab a titty or an ass, you know.

Marc : So you're a groper?

Blag : I'm a groper!

 

  1. Today's performance is part of a European tour featuring the Russian undercover KGB spies The Svetlanas.

Marc : Svetlanas are awesome, they are from mother Russia

Blag : She busted her leg last night, very tough.

Marc : Last night she dislocated her knee, still played the show. They’re fantastic.

 

  1. The Dwarves are all about primal drives. Sex, drugs and rock 'n’ roll. You almost stand out as the last bastion of feral punk energy.

Blag : What do you mean almost. We are the last real punk band. Nick Oliveri's penis is larger than all of the other punk bands combined.

 

  1. When did punk rock become so safe?

Blag : They didn't ask me, everyone is like chicken shit now. What happened Marc, you remember punk?

Marc : When we were young, you went to shows, you learned how to play, you wrote a fucking good song. Nowadays it's like “Hey that guy has got cool tattoos and big earlobe things, let's just form a band!” I don't want to be a dick but there are bands like that. It just used to be, you learned how to play and wrote a song went on the road for years, now it's like “Ifound four other guys with tattoos and earlobes stretched” and you got a band.

Blag : Even so, even with your earlobes stretched. They have to want to fuck and get loaded. I don't care if they are just fashion fags and they suck. That's fine, I understand that. But if they are not searching for vagina or penis, equal opportunity, fag bands are good by us, we go both ways. Musically.

Marc : Nick said he played a good vegan festival, pretty rock 'n’ roll, shitty food.

Nick : Food wasn't that good . Food that tastes like Styrofoam. Not so good…

 

  1. Another thing that seems to be missing in punk and music in general today is humour. What is your opinion on this?

Marc : Punk rock is just fashion, you've got a lot of cool tattoos and your ears are stretched. And now you've got the big fucking beard.

Blag : The emo beard, those are kind of funny. Because people get food stuck in them so that's kind of humorous. But it's unintentional.

Nick : I hear this band is changing their name to The Hewhocannotbenamedes… (pointing at Masked Intruder)

Blag : Masked Intruder are biting our Hewhocannotbenamed style. Can you believe that? I love those guys.

 

  1. I didn't see Hewhocannotbenamed on stage today.

Blag : He's here actually, I just saw him. He's very unpredictable; you never know what he is going to do. He transcends life and death.

 

  1. Your website was hacked recently by Jihadi associates. How weird was that, a rock band getting hacked as a sort of political act?

Blag : We can't make this shit up. Our website got hacked by Tunisian fundamentalists, the little fucks. I think the problem is we have lot of tits and ass on our site and that made them upset. Because Islamic jihadists don't have genitals, they are born without genitals…

Marc : I'm working on a new magazine it's called Burka babes. It's going to be a hot girl wearing aburka just showing the ankle. But we're going to show more ankle than anybody. Look for it, Burka Babes.

Nick : Ankles and eyes baby! Burka Babes!

Blag : We're like the Charlie Hebdo of rock. Every city that has a kebab shop we're worried they will be cutting our heads off.

Marc : It's a religion of peace, if you don't believe me I'll cut your head off.

 

  1. You once wrote a song for George Bush’s campaign. If you were to do so today, who would it be addressed to?

Blag : Rex Everything wrote the song “River City Rapist”for Bush, it was at the Texas time.

Nick : It's actually Jorge Bush! A different Bush for a different time…

Marc : Now we have a new Bush coming on, it's happening all again.

Blag : We could write a Hillary Clinton song called “There Better Be Women”.

 

  1. You had to cancel the Hannover show, but played the Netherlands instead? What happened?

Blag : At the last minute those Speedfest guys said we'll give you a bunch of drugs and money and you can fuck our Netherland women. Or you can drive all the way to Hannover. We don't care about people so we played the Netherlands show. We took the money and vagina.

I do want to say this to the people of Hannover, We love you and we shall return. We beg your forgiveness. That club Bei Chez Heinz, very cool guys, they were great and we'll going to go back. If they'll have us, if they won't, then fuck them. We did it for the money, we're The Dwarves. We like money and vagina.

 

  1. You also released an EP on Fat Wreck Chords and two weeks ago another EP for Records Store Day. How did this come by?

Blag : That record was on Burger, a cool garage label from Orange County. Those guys are great and they do all our reissues on CD and shit like that. They did the single “Sluts Of The U.S.A.”, “Fun To Try”, great kind of poppy garage single.And on Fat Wreck Chords we did like a hardcore single with pop punk. Kind of Rex Everything's song stuck in the void. That one has my dick on it, butt naked. If you like to look at penis as well as vagina you got everything on that single on Fat Wreck Chords.

 

  1. Any last words or plans you'd like to share?

Marc :We love Belgium, we like Groezrock.

Blag : The Dwarves are rock legends, the greatest rock 'n’ roll band of all time!

 

– David Marote